For Me and My Family

A few years ago, only months after Lily was born, I was talking to a friend about health, fitness, and losing weight. I mentioned to her that I would really love to get into shape for my kids (who needed a mom with stamina) and for my husband (for whom I wanted to be an active-attractive wife). My friend didn't respond right away and just looked at me for a moment. Sounding more like an after thought, I quickly added that I wanted to do it for me, too, of course. She paused again and then wisely said "I sure do wish you had said yourself first."

I knew then and there that I was putting myself behind others and my perception was all out of whack. This friend made me realize that guilting myself into shape was never going to work, nor would it be healthy. I should eat healthy, exercise and lose weight for myself, because I LOVE MYSELF. In turn, my family would also be blessed, but as a by-product.

I love that I am gaining the strength and stamina to really play with my children. I can run with them, chase them, carry them, bath them, and feed them; all without feeling totally exhausted. I feel confident (and sexy) around my husband. I am happy more and less stressed out. I'm realizing that being healthy is not just about losing weight; it's about gaining the energy and physical/mental capacity to simply be a person! Realizing this has been so empowering for me; thinking about how much more I will be able to do as I lose this weight.

AS FOR TODAY, I woke up feeling pretty darn sore from yesterday's push-ups, but it's a good sore (if you can imagine it). This afternoon I took my two oldest girls to Bower Ponds where we ran to the playground. I love watching my girls run; I love that they love to run. I love that I can run with them and actually keep up. They may only be 3 and 4, but they are fast! Afterwards we picked up some ice-cream for them as well as some to drop off as a surprise at Tanner's work. I didn't get any ice-cream for myself, but I did collect a small "Mom Tax" on each of their ice cream treats :)

For today's workout, Malorie sent me a routine that focuses on strengthening your core. Because of my back injury last week, Mal thinks that I should focus on these types of core exercises to prevent future injuries. I started out with a 1 mile run and then followed it up with 4 ROUNDS OF:

- 25 full sit-ups
- 25 crunches
- 25 knee raises (demo video here)
- 25 back extensions (demo video here)
- 30 second plank (demo video here)
- 15 second right side plank
- 15 second left side plank

This was a tough workout, but totally doable. I am pretty weak at planks, so when I felt I had to break the plank I would go to my knees for a few seconds and then bring it right back up to full plank. Right now I can only plank for about 20 seconds before I go down to my knees. My goal is to work towards a full minute plank.

Thanks again for following along!

Evidence of Improvement

I weighed myself this morning, because after a month of being off track I was curious to see where I was at.

228lb 

Not bad. I was at this weight near the end of September, so I'm happy to find out that my far-less-than-perfect-month didn't bring back pounds I had worked hard to lose. Thank goodness. 

A new day. A new start. 

I took the girls with me over to my parents house this afternoon. I do this pretty much every Wednesday because two of my nieces are there on those days and all the girls get to play together. My parents have a treadmill that I plan on using each time I visit, because it is very convenient to have when it comes to interval training that includes running. I decided yesterday that I was going to do the same workout that I did on July 15. It was a week before I even started thinking about The Last 100lbs, and I had just read this blog post where my sister-in-law Malorie posted a workout. Here was the suggested workout:

As fast as possible, complete five rounds of the following:
25 squats
20 sit-ups
15 push-ups
400 meter run

"Looks easy enough. I know how to do all those things."

I was so naive. 

That day in July I managed to get through ONLY 2 ROUNDS of the workout, before I felt like collapsing on the couch. I was out of shape. And the feeling of only being able to complete 2 rounds made me realize it. It was a wake-up call. 

Two weeks later I started this challenge and this blog, and on July 29th I did this same workout again. I set up a timer, pushed myself as hard as I could go, and managed to make it through 3 complete rounds in 18:53.  I called it "Day 1". This was my starting point. 

Well, today I did this workout again, and after three rounds I looked at the clock to see that I had done them in 15:12. I couldn't believe it!! And more than that, I went on to complete another entire round! Booya! 

I am sitting here tonight, feeling strong and incredibly proud of my body, getting excited for tomorrow. 

"I'm on a roller-coaster that only goes up." (from The Fault in Our Stars, which I read in a day last week while I was in bed with back pain. Loved it. Loved the movie, too.)

You Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone

I HURT MY BACK LAST WEEK. Sad face. 

It really sucked and it hurt and I felt like the biggest bum of a mom/wife for several days. I felt old and tired and weak. I'll say it again, it sucked. I let my emotions and my pain get the better of me and I drowned myself in cookies and bowls full of ice cream and pie. What can I say? I'm an emotional eater. Should I be allowed to make that my excuse? Probably not, but I did anyway. (But, to be honest, this entire month so far has been a total flop, even without the excuse of a back injury.)

It wasn't until today, when the pain in my back started to subside, that I realized how grateful I am for my body. It is a wonderful thing and I should always make taking good care of it my top priority. I do not want a life of pain that was caused by my unwillingness to live a healthy life. 

In other news, today I am feeling pretty awesome.

I am planning on working out this morning (first one in over a week). But I'll keep it simple and sweet and back friendly. Not sure what that will look like, as I feel like the back is engaged in everything the body does. Maybe I'll just go for a run. Sounds like the safest thing, right now.

ALSO! What would you all say if I was thinking about blogging everyday? This would mean I would go from lengthier/deeper content posts that come once a week (if that), to regular but short updates on what's up in my life; keeping the blog more like a health journal. I feel the later will greatly benefit me. The more accountable I am, the more success I believe I will find. What can I say? I'm selfish. Ha! And no one can underestimate the power of record keeping.

Anyways, that is all I wanted to say :)

End post.

Run Runner Run

I ran a 5k on the weekend!

I was sick all last week with strep throat, so I spent most days lying around the house or in bed and zero time running or exercising. So, yeah, I was a little nervous about going through with running my planned 5k on Saturday. Saturday morning, I woke up feeling healthy and up for the challenge. Yay! But then driving up to the meet-up spot before the run I started getting butterflies in my stomach! It took me by surprise to find out that I was actually nervous about the run. But I don't think I was nervous about the run itself (I knew that I was ready and could do it), but rather, nervous because it would be the first time that I have run with someone else! I was certain that the only person running it with me would be my sister-in-law, Brooklyn. She is such an awesome friend and so sweet, but still, I was nervous. I mean, what if I would feel like I want to impress her, push myself, forget about pacing, and end up overexerting myself? What if I don't push myself hard enough? What if she is way faster than me and I fall way way behind, or make her feel like she needs to run with me?

Brooklyn showed up and we started our run. I soon realized I was needlessly nervous. Brooklyn was there for both herself and for me, and together we kept a good pace. There were a couple times I had to slow down to a walk (my leg kept cramping up), and Brooklyn was kind enough to slow herself down to a trot to stay with me. How sweet :) It was a beautiful evening for a run. 

Brooklyn was able to sprint ahead for the last few hundred meters (she's amazing like that) while I kept a good pace all the way to the finish line. 

MY TIME: 35 minutes 11 seconds! and I am pretty darn satisfied with that.

While we stretched, Brooklyn and I talked about how we both feel that our bodies are capable of so much more than we think possible. We just need to believe in ourselves, set goals, and do the work. We also agreed that it is so much more fun and motivating when you have someone doing it with you. Amiright!? 

I am already looking forward to getting in another 5k before the snow hits. 

AND THEN, Monday night I realized I hadn't timed my mile run to see if there was any improvement, so I raced over to the track as soon as Tanner got home from work. Again, I got butterflies in my stomach. (Weird, eh?) ALSO, when I started my run I noticed that there was a person laying on the grass beside the track, but as I ran closer I noticed that that one person was in fact two teenagers TOTALLY MAKING OUT! Like, rolling-all-over-the-place making out. I had to run past them four times and they DIDN'T STOP! Dear, me. 

Anyways . . . my run was awesome and I improved my time from the beginning of the month by 1 minute and 13 seconds! Going from 11:40 to 10:27 in only a month! I am continually amazed by my body and it gets me excited for what lies ahead as I continue on this path to fitness.  

(Sorry, no PDA picture. HA!)

No Rush

I am learning the difference between setting a goal and setting a deadline.

I have a goal to get healthy, to establish healthy habits, and hopefully lose 100lbs along the way :) You will notice that when I started this challenge I never gave myself a deadline. After all, this is a lifestyle change. NOT a diet. But, sometime in August I got really excited about the idea of losing the first 50lbs  before the end of the year. WHY? Well, because I'm living at my in-laws until the end of December when my family will fly back to Halifax. And in my in-law's crawl space, I have all my "skinny clothes" packed away. They are all the clothes that I wore in my latter years of University, when I was dating Tanner, and when I was working at the Gap. So they're nice clothes that have sentimental value to me. And yeah, it would be nice to pull them out from that crawl space before we move so I can bring them wear them when we fly back. I talked with TJ and Mal about this goal and whether or not it was attainable, and they gave me the go-ahead.

So now I no longer just had a goal, I had a deadline.

Initially, having the goal to lose 50lbs before the end of the year was very motivating. I would find myself getting excited about the "new" wardrobe I was going to have and thinking about how awesome I would feel. I kept my focus for a solid two weeks. But then . . . I'd slip up. Not just for a day, but sometimes for several consecutive days. I would start stressing out, thinking that I'd fall short of my 50lb goal. I started focusing more on the weight lost and less on loving myself at all stages. When I would have cheat days, or stopped seeing changes in my weight, I would think "I'm a failure! I'm never going to lose the weight by Christmas, now!"

Where there was once excitement, there was now a feeling of hopelessness.

I only realized a week or so ago what was going on.

I had given myself a time limit.

I am learning that time limits DON'T WORK for me! Especially when it is dealing with weight-loss, because this is not a race and I should never feel like I'm failing! The positive healthy choices I am making far outweigh the bad ones. So yes, I am making steps in the right direction, albeit baby ones.

I'll still bring those clothes on the plane with me when we go back, because I'm sure that sometime in the near future I will fit them again.

No rush.

*BIG SIGH*

I feel a whole lot better, now :)

You Choose

In my young adult years, I made a really stupid decision. (Well, several actually, but today I'm going to talk about just one of them.) The consequences of which I have carried with me each day since. 

In 2004, I was home for the summer after my first year at university. I was hanging out with my older sister at a her in-laws ranch. We had been having fun riding go carts with her kids, when I got he stupid idea to ask if I could try out her dirt bike. I'd never been on a dirt bike, and for years I had asked my sister let me take a ride on one. I guess by this time I was an adult and my sister thought that I was ready (as a youth, my father would have never approved), so she said yes. I guess we both had a dumb moment where we didn't think things through, because I hopped on that powerfully fast YZ250 and thought that I'd just go for a little ride.

5 seconds.

That's how long I was on the bike before the bike was on me. 

Obviously I had no idea what I was doing and ended up cat walking on the back wheel before the bike fell back on me and bent my left leg back, tearing cartilage and my ACL. I was in A LOT of pain.

I don't really know why it took me so long to end up in a orthopaedic surgeon's office, but in 2006 I had reconstructive surgery to repair my knee. After surgery came the long and messy healing process, that included in a 3 week hospital stay due to infection, of which I never fully recovered. 

I was pretty depressed about my knee. Always in pain. Always aching. For years, I would let this be my excuse to not being able to be a fit and healthy person. I was afraid to exercise, fearing I would re-injure myself. Fearing the pain. I remember a couple of years ago, sitting at home with my two girls in the living room and feeling sad and restless. As I looked out the window, I saw a woman run past down the sidewalk. She looked so fit, so healthy, so vibrant, so happy.

And I just bawled my eyes out.

"That can never be me!" I said to myself."I will never be abel to run. I will never climb a mountain. I will never be able to play soccer with my kids. I will never go skiing. I will never be abel to kneel during family prayer. I will never . . . I will never . . . I will never . . . " I cursed my body, my knee, those 5 seconds on that dirt bike. One choice. Once stupid choice! 

I let that choice define me for a really long time. 

This summer, I reached a crossroads. I could keep on living my life the way I had defined it for myself: overweight and out of shape, or I could change. 

I chose to change. 

I took ownership of my unhealthy choices and decided I was going to live a healthy life. I was going to exercise. I was going to move my body, however unfamiliar and awkward I felt. Still, I was nervous about how far a could push myself and my knee. I was afraid I'd push myself to hard and be unable to walk without flinching in pain. So I started out simply and slowly: short runs, shallow squats, low impact exercises. 

It felt awesome.

Then Malorie challenged me to run a mile. I nervous and skeptical . . . but, I did it. I ran a mile! And not only that, I didn't feel any pain in my knee! I remember praying that night on the track, thanking God for blessing my mind and body, allowing me to run without pain and giving me the confidence I needed to do it, to do all of this. Then, a couple of weeks later I ran 3.6km! I couldn't even believe it! ME! Running! I'm not even close to calling myself a "runner", but I am seeing the potential in myself to become one (as long as I'm sure not to push myself/my knee too far, of course). Baby steps. 

So here's my food for thought. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHOOSE. Whatever decisions you or I have made in the past, are in the past. You can either let those decisions follow you around for the rest of your life, or you can move forward and define your life by other measures. Sure, my knee injury will be something I have to live with for the rest of my life, but I am not going to let that be my excuse.

So I'm going to ask you in a totally loving and non-judgemental way: What's your excuse? What's holding you back from becoming who you want to be, your true self? Is there something you can change today? It doesn't have to be monumental, either. It can be something as simple as drinking more water, taking the stairs, eating less sugar, or at least choosing to be kinder to yourself.

"If you want something you've never had,

you're going to have to try something you've never done."

- random dude on TLC's 19 Kids and Counting 

 And I totally believe it.

Embrace the Sweat

**QUICK SIDE NOTE: We are 13 days into our Mile a Day challenge! How is everyone doing? Are you simply loving it!? I'll admit, I've missed two days in there (kids, hormones, attitude). But, I am not going to let my all-or-none personality get the best of me, so I continue to try and do my best.  Because that's all we can really ask of ourselves, really. **

When I started exercising in July, I hated it. Just being honest here. Yeah, I guess I did love all the endorphins pumping through me. The self pride and emotional high for having completed something challenging also felt pretty good. But the feeling of being totally overheated was just not appealing. Clothes, constricting. Thirst, unquenchable. I felt like my face would almost turn purple, I'd be so hot! Yeah, I guess it was the middle of summer, but something just didn't seem right. I felt like I could only workout for a maximum of 20 minutes before I'd pass out from heat exhaustion! But then I realized something:

I wasn't sweating.

Even on the hottest day and hardest workout, I'd MAYBE start to glisten, but no real dripping sweat. But then, after about a couple of weeks of eating right and exercising, I started to sweat!  Like, needing-a-towel-on-hand kind of sweat! At the same time I noticed that I also wasn't getting overheated during a workout and was able to go longer and harder with out dying from heat exhaustion. It was awesome!

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I'm not going to claim to know much about the science of sweat, but I DO know that it is through sweating that your body is able to regulate its temperature an keep you from overheating. So my theory is that as my body was not used to ANY physical activity really, and maybe sorta forgot how to do it's job. Can your body forget how to sweat? Because that is what it felt like.

Now, I sweat buckets and I love it. When I come home from a run, or finish my daily workout from Mal and TJ, I am dripping in sweat. I feel awesome and I feel healthy. I feel like my body is expelling toxins and cleaning out all the gunk that have built up over years of unhealthy living. I feel youthful. I feel like I really accomplished something awesome. AND I feel like doing it all again tomorrow!

So this I say to you: EMBRACE THE SWEAT! It means your body is smiling inside . . . that's what I've decided :)

And if you are looking for a great workout to get your sweat on, here's what I did for today:

2 RFT (Rounds For Time: meaning do all the exercises in sequence twice through as fast as you can. Record your time to see how you have improved when you do it again later)

8 Burpees
20 Situps
8 Burpees
20 Pushups
8 Burpees
20 Squats
8 Burpees
20 Bicep Curls (I have wimpy arms and did these with 5lbs weights. Ha!)
8 Burpees
20 Walking Lunges

Happy sweating! *maniacal laugh*