Making Sub-Goals

I've gained 12 pounds since moving back to Halifax.

There, I said it. (Malorie, please don't hate me!)

I have not been exercising. I have not been running. I have not been eating properly. I have not been drinking enough water. I have not been taking my medication. I have not been blogging about any of it.

Sorry guys. It was a harsh winter over here, soul-crushing even. It's the last week in April and there is STILL snow on the ground here, people!

My husband is off school for a little bit, so I took advantage this morning and went for a long brisk  and emotional walk around the South End and tried to organize my thoughts as they are all jumbled up in my brain and I've had a hard time thinking clearly.

Once of my first coherent thoughts was this: I just wish that after a shower I can wrap a towel around me and actually have it wrap all the way around! Can I not even achieve that!?

I made a goal for myself last summer - to take control of my life, to live a healthy life, to love myself, and to LOSE WEIGHT! 100 pounds to be exact. It was a huge goal and I cried pretty hard when I realized that it was one I had to make. It's been 8 freaking months and honestly feel I am starting back a square one. It's a sucky feeling. It's a helpless feeling. It's a this-is-such-a-huge-goal-I-can't-see-the-finish-line kind of feeling. And I keep stumbling backwards.

So...

I'm going to try something new. To help a little with seeing where I am now and where I want to get to, I created a quick chart with some of my weight loss sub-goals.

Except for the last one, I have been at all these different weights at some point in my adult life.

Currently I am at 234lbs. It's a new start.

Me TODAY!

I was 225lbs just earlier this year, before gaining back weight I had previously lost.
Stupid winter.

I was at 200lbs in 2009 just before getting pregnant with my first child. It was only months after getting married and I had gained a bit of post-wedding weight. I was really uncomfortable in all of my clothes. But I was trying to get pregnant so I was looking forward to a life of elastic waistbands and "eating for two."

January 2009

I was 185lbs when I got married in 2008. It was around this time/weight that  I was happy with my body and had a positive body image. I felt sexy and strong and vibrant. I have never felt so good as I did that year.

August 2008

I was 165lbs in 2006/2007. I was at my lowest weight. But . . . honestly . . . hmm. I don't know how I should write this. I've talked about this with friends and family, but it feels really weird typing it. Here's the thing: I had a full-on eating disorder. I was bulimic for nearly a year. So yeah, I was thin and had a "normal BMI" but my body was weak and broken, and I definitely did not love myself. When I get back to this weight again, it will be because I love myself and I will have done it the healthy way. Booyah!

February 2007

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I CAN lose 100lbs but I have to lose 10lbs first. I just need to take this one step at a time, one pound at a time and I need to STAY ON TRACK! And pretty soon I'll be wrapping my whole self in that fluffy white towel with no hip/thigh peeking bursting out :)