Making Sub-Goals

I've gained 12 pounds since moving back to Halifax.

There, I said it. (Malorie, please don't hate me!)

I have not been exercising. I have not been running. I have not been eating properly. I have not been drinking enough water. I have not been taking my medication. I have not been blogging about any of it.

Sorry guys. It was a harsh winter over here, soul-crushing even. It's the last week in April and there is STILL snow on the ground here, people!

My husband is off school for a little bit, so I took advantage this morning and went for a long brisk  and emotional walk around the South End and tried to organize my thoughts as they are all jumbled up in my brain and I've had a hard time thinking clearly.

Once of my first coherent thoughts was this: I just wish that after a shower I can wrap a towel around me and actually have it wrap all the way around! Can I not even achieve that!?

I made a goal for myself last summer - to take control of my life, to live a healthy life, to love myself, and to LOSE WEIGHT! 100 pounds to be exact. It was a huge goal and I cried pretty hard when I realized that it was one I had to make. It's been 8 freaking months and honestly feel I am starting back a square one. It's a sucky feeling. It's a helpless feeling. It's a this-is-such-a-huge-goal-I-can't-see-the-finish-line kind of feeling. And I keep stumbling backwards.

So...

I'm going to try something new. To help a little with seeing where I am now and where I want to get to, I created a quick chart with some of my weight loss sub-goals.

Except for the last one, I have been at all these different weights at some point in my adult life.

Currently I am at 234lbs. It's a new start.

Me TODAY!

I was 225lbs just earlier this year, before gaining back weight I had previously lost.
Stupid winter.

I was at 200lbs in 2009 just before getting pregnant with my first child. It was only months after getting married and I had gained a bit of post-wedding weight. I was really uncomfortable in all of my clothes. But I was trying to get pregnant so I was looking forward to a life of elastic waistbands and "eating for two."

January 2009

I was 185lbs when I got married in 2008. It was around this time/weight that  I was happy with my body and had a positive body image. I felt sexy and strong and vibrant. I have never felt so good as I did that year.

August 2008

I was 165lbs in 2006/2007. I was at my lowest weight. But . . . honestly . . . hmm. I don't know how I should write this. I've talked about this with friends and family, but it feels really weird typing it. Here's the thing: I had a full-on eating disorder. I was bulimic for nearly a year. So yeah, I was thin and had a "normal BMI" but my body was weak and broken, and I definitely did not love myself. When I get back to this weight again, it will be because I love myself and I will have done it the healthy way. Booyah!

February 2007

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I CAN lose 100lbs but I have to lose 10lbs first. I just need to take this one step at a time, one pound at a time and I need to STAY ON TRACK! And pretty soon I'll be wrapping my whole self in that fluffy white towel with no hip/thigh peeking bursting out :)

Tools for Success

Hello All!

I am refocusing . . . again. I get overwhelmed so easily by life and I quickly forget the things I need to have/do if I want to be healthy and to reach my weight loss goals. I had a solo brainstorm session and made a list of the tools I need to keep me on the right track. 

And here they are:

1. Running Shoes: Like I've stated before, I never thought that I would ever be a runner. But by starting simple yet still pushing myself to go faster and longer, I have learned to love running. (I still wouldn't classify myself as a runner . . . yet.) Running has been difficult lately as I don't own a treadmill and am relying on the weather. But I still haven't given it up.

2. Exercise Mat: I am falling in love with yoga. I only do quick 20 minute routines, but I look forward to doing it each day (and so do my children!). I've also been using this mat for some of my other at home workouts that involve some type of HIIT workout.

3. Weigh Scale: I wasn't sure if I wanted to add this to the list of "tools for success",  because this challenge of mine isn't just about weight (as the blog title suggests). But let's be real here: I am trying to lose weight! and stepping on the scale is an important tool to keeping myself of track.

4. Water: "Water is the essence of moisture, and moisture is the essence of beauty." Sorry . . . I couldn't help myself. But here's the truth: Drinking water is the essence of health.

5. Scriptures: Reading the scriptures gives me understanding. From reading the word of God I come to learn about who I am and God's love for me. Knowing this gives me strength and purpose.

6. Good Food: I love food, a LOT. It may not be the most convenient or inexpensive, but if I am to be successful I need to fill my cupboards, fridge, and freezer with good food - healthy food - REAL food.

7. Health Journal:  This is certainly an invaluable tool. Writing things down, for me, is important as my ming has difficulty focusing or remembering. I use it to record workouts, recipes, feelings, tracking my weight/measurements, ideas, resources, etc.

8. Music: Have you even tried going for a run or workout without tunes? I did once. It sucked.

9. Medication: I will talk more, I'm sure, about how I found my way to being diagnosed with depression, but for now let me just say that I am not ashamed of needing medication in order to feel "normal". I have ADD and Depression. I used to think that I was weak and/or crazy and that I just needed to try harder at being normal and happy. Not so. Although it does take a fair amount of work and self-mastery on my part, I don't think that I would be successful without proper medication.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE IMPORTANCE OF A SUPPORT NETWORK! Having a spouse and family supporting me in my goals is vital. And I cannot thank Mal and TJ enough for their council and direction thus far. And you guys! Your love and encouragement has meant the world to me. I would say to anyone wanting to start living a healthier life, that they need to surround themselves with like minded people.

I can do this!

We can do this!

Yoga: DayONE

Well hello there.

If you know me, you know that I am the least flexible person, I have bad balance, a bad knee, and I'm clumsy. So what does a person like me try to do??

Yoga.

After I had injured my back a few months ago, a friend of mine made a suggestion of buying a simple yoga DVD and trying out yoga at home. Not only is yoga great for improving your balance, and flexibility, apparently it is great for building up you core which helps protect yourself from injuries.

Two weeks ago I bought a 2 disc DVD set at Costco for $14 (pretty darn cheap, right?) with the well planned intention of doing yoga in the mornings before the craziness of the day ensues. Well, two weeks have gone by and, by golly, I love my sleep and have a really hard time walking up even just 20 minutes earlier than my girls do. Then during the day I make excuses that conditions are never perfect enough for me to be able to do yoga (or exercise at all) and I put it off . . . until TODAY! I need to keep reminding myself that if I wait for all the stars to align (kids asleep/happily occupied, house clean, laundry folded, etc.) before I roll out my exercise mat and put a sports bra on, I am never gonna exercise! No more making excuses.

So today, I did a 20 minute yoga routine and it was lovely. Like I said, I am not flexible, AT ALL, and my balance is poor, but I still enjoyed doing the routine to the best of my ability. While trying to figure out all the breathing and going through some of the poses I thought "Wow. I really suck at this. It's going to be really cool to see how much better I'll get as I keep doing this."

This is me trying to touch my toes. As you can see I actually can't touch my toes, nor have I ever been able to. I remember back to gym class in elementary school feeling sad that I couldn't touch my toes when other girls could lay completely flat on their legs, wrapping the hands around their feet. While I may never get to be that flexible, my goal to to ONE DAY TOUCH MY TOES. Ha!

I hope hope that you get to try out yoga, too :)

I'm Back

Wow.

I mean . . . just . . . wow.

Has it really been more than 2 months?

Things got a little crazy over here and the days months just kind of flew past. Lot's of stuff has gone on  and I'm sure I could go on and on in a gargantuan post, but I'm going to choose to tell you what's been up in my life in this point form list:

November:
- Started part-time work at a mall kiosk for the pre-Christmas season; working 20 hours/week
- Went to see a doctor (finally) and was formally diagnosed with Depression. Yup.
- Started on anti-depression medication

December:
- Continued p/t work
- CHRISTMAS!
- Moved our family across the country. I'm a Haligonian again!

I am looking forward to getting back into a routine again. I don't know what that routine will look like. But I know that it will involve more yoga and running, and far less late-night bowls of cereal. Ha!

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know
I'm back.

Curse You, Chocolate!

I love Halloween. It's one of my favourite holidays. I loved it when I was little, and I love it now. And I LOVE seeing how much my girls love it, too. I loved watching them walk around in their little costumes I made for them, carrying their little buckets. Even though we only went around to a few houses, their buckets filled up quite quickly because there were several houses that were giving out FULL SIZED chocolate bars! At the end of the night, our girls came home with 10 large chocolate bars! Seriously!? I remember when I was a young trick or treater, and there would be that one house that would give out full-seized chocolate bars and you would go out of your way to make sure you made it to that house.

At the end of the night, I took all the big chocolate bars and stashed them away in the cupboard, separate from all the other halloween loot (which they still had a lot of). I don't know exactly why I did this. I should have just asked Tanner to take them an hide them somewhere in the house, so I couldn't find them, BECAUSE . . . .

. . . today I ate three of those chocolate bars. 

Please, excuse me while I hang my head in shame in a corner somewhere. Well, that's what I feel like doing. Actually, what I really feel like doing is drowning my sorrows in another chocolate bar, like somehow in some insane irrational way, that will make it all better.

But I won't. 

Instead, I am going to do the workout that Malorie planned for me to do. Even though I reeeeeeaaally don't feel like it. From what I've been told, when it comes to things like exercising, feeling like you don't want to do it usually means that it is even more important that you DO do it. 

So, I'm going to exercise, even though I don't want to.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

Hit the Deck!

I've done this workout before and described it a bit in this blog post. 

All you need is a deck of cards! Spades are squats, Clubs are push-ups, Diamonds are sit-ups, and Hearts are burpees. Whatever the value on the card is how many reps you do of the exercise (and all face cards are 10 reps). So, if you flip over a 4 of clubs you do push-ups. If you flip the queen of hearts you do 10 burpees. Get it? It's a pretty intense workout, but it keeps you on your toes as you don't know what card you're going to flip next. By the time your done, you will have completed 85 reps of each exercise. If you keep the Jokers in the deck you can choose to do something extra. Last time I played this, I did 2 minutes of cardio. But I think I'll do a 30 second plank when I flip over a Joker.

Have fun!

New Hair!

In September, I reeeeeeaally wanted/needed a hair cut. I don't get hair cuts very often (like, once a year or even less than that), so when I do it's a big deal and I talk to Tanner about it first. I knew that this time I wanted to get my hair cut AND highlighted, which meant an expensive salon visit. Tanner told me to go for it, but only AFTER I lost my first 25lbs. Whaaa!? He is so cheeky. He could have just said yes, instead he made my yearly hair appointment into a reward. And I was excited and happy to wait and work to lose that first 25. 

At the beginning of October I was 5lbs away from the goal, so I phone my hair stylist and set up an appointment for the beginning of November, planning (and crossing my fingers) that I could keep my act together enough to reach my goal.

October 31st, I got a phone call from the salon reminding me of my appointment for the following day, and I had TOTALLY forgot about it!! I hadn't even weighed myself in a while and wasn't sure how close I was to being 225lbs. (October was an off month.) 

The morning of the appointment, I stepped onto the scale and saw that I was at 224.8lbs!

I did it! . . . without really knowing that I had, even. Ha!

And here is my new hair! I'm still getting used to being so blonde and surprise myself when I look in the mirror, but I love it :)

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

As many rounds as possible in 5 MINUTES:

- 10 push-ups

- 20 lat pull downs with resistance band (Demo video here)

Rest (sort of) for 2 minutes, BUT you have to complete 50 rope jumps in that 2 minutes.

Then as many rounds as possible in 5 MINUTES:

- 20 squats

- 20 back extensions

2 minute rest with 50 rope jumps

Then as many rounds as possible in 5 MINUTES:

- 10 burpees

- 10 seated toe tap downs (sorry, I couldn't find a good video of this one. One day I will be amazing enough to create my own demo videos.)

Finish off with 50 rope jumps!

This workout is fun and as intense as you make it depending on how fast you push yourself. And since it's all timed, you know your going to complete the workout in 20 minutes!

Have a great week everyone!!!

Take THAT Banana Split

I said no to this, today.

We had the missionaries over for supper,

and after the meal I headed into the kitchen to prepare dessert with my mother-in-law.

After making banana splits for the adults/kids, I started to mindlessly prepare my own.

Out of HABIT!

I stopped myself right away, and my MIL asked me if I was going to have one.

"Nope!"

TODAY'S WORKOUT!

2 Rounds for Time:

25 squats

25 sit-ups
25 push-ups

10 burpees

25 back extensions (demo video here)

50 tick rocks (25 with weight in right hand first and then switch to the left for another 25)

20 lunges

50 step-ups (25 for the right and 25 for the left)

25 bicep curls

25 overhead press (demo video here)

25 thrusters (demo video here)

Malorie called this "a little bit of everything". I'd sure say so!

The Weekend

I had a really great weekend that included a family trip to the big city. My husband, Tanner, won an award in a architectural design competition and to celebrate we went out to eat at his FAVOURITE restaurant, so he could eat his FAVOURITE burger. It was a really fun evening. Since the award Tanner won included a cash prize, we felt rich and indulged ourselves by ordering both an appetizer AND dessert. Gasp! We had a fun time and left feeling completely stuffed.

Even though my meal was "technically" a salad, it was fully loaded and probably had as many calories as Tanner's burger. (Okay, I just looked at their website because I was really curious what the actual calories were. My meal wasn't even close to Tanner's 1550 cal burger, but it was nearing 1000 calories. Ca-RAZY!) In the moment I was simply enjoying a dinner out with the fan-jam and having a good time, so I wasn't even thinking about calories. And, to be honest, it felt really good.

Last night, I thought that there was no way I could ever be totally perfect in my diet (who is?). I love food! I love to bake and cook. I love the sweet and the savoury. I love tasting new things. I love the feeling I get when I eat food that is rich with flavour. I am almost euphoric when it comes to eating good food (good tasting, that is).  So yeah, you can understand how difficult it is for me to restrict my diet some.

So, I'm going to try something new, and hopefully it works (TJ and Malorie do this, and it works pretty well for them). I will aim to eat perfectly during the week, while I allow myself more freedom to "cheat" on the weekends. This doesn't mean that I can go all crazy and eat whatever the heck I want. I'll keep it within reason, obviously. I'm going to try out this strategy for a few weeks and report back and let you how it goes. So far it has been going very well! ("So far" being a whole entire day. Ha!)

TODAY'S WORKOUT is split up into three parts:

FIRST do 3 rounds of:
- 10 pushups
- 20 bicep curls; I used a 15 lb weight
- 2 minutes of cardio (options: run, up/down stairs, stair switches, jump rope)

SECOND do 3 rounds of:
- 10 weighted goblet squats; I used a 15 lb weight (Demo video here.)
- 20 lunges (Demo video here.)
- 2 minutes of cardio

THIRD do 3 rounds of:
- 20 tick tocks with weight in left hand; I used a 15 lb weight, because we're buddy's now, you see. (Demo video here. Recognize that fitness model!?!? It's Mal!!)
- 20 tick rocks with weight in right hand
- 20 sit ups
- 2 minutes of cardio

This was a really awesome workout from Malorie. I loved it, and I hope that you create sometime today and try it out for yourself!

I Can't Control Everything

Currently, we are living with my in-laws while my husband completes a work term here. While I am so incredibly grateful for Tanner's parent's love and hospitality, I just have to say that it is so incredibly hard to eat healthy when there are bad food choices staring me right in the face.

My one HUGE weakness is cereal. Cereal is my ultimate go-to comfort food. For me, there is nothing so deliciously familiar as a bowl of fruit loops and cold milk. Which is why I NEVER BUY IT. I simply cannot trust myself to resist.

Even though I do contribute to grocery shopping and meals, I am not in control of everything that makes it's way into the cupboards and fridge. And because my in-laws are also grandparents, it makes them happy to buys fun cereals and treats for their grandkids.

Today, I ate two full bowls of sugary cereal.

*sigh*

When we move back to Halifax in December, it will be easier ( I hope).

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

For 30 minutes, do as many rounds as possible of:
- 6 burpees (demo video here. I don't clap at the top, but I do add a little hop.)
- 20 sit-ups
- 20 hip thrusts (demo video here. Start watching at 00:49. I am not using weights currently.)
- 20 back extensions
- 20 squats

I had to take little breaks to catch my breath, but then got right back at it! I also had to really push myself to make sure I completed the full 30 minutes and managed to make it through 7 rounds, plus 3 extra burpees. I had an awful headache near the middle of the workout that continued/worsened throughout the workout; a painful reminder that I have not been drinking enough water today (and maybe a little too much cereal. Oops.)

Have a great weekend everyone!!

For Me and My Family

A few years ago, only months after Lily was born, I was talking to a friend about health, fitness, and losing weight. I mentioned to her that I would really love to get into shape for my kids (who needed a mom with stamina) and for my husband (for whom I wanted to be an active-attractive wife). My friend didn't respond right away and just looked at me for a moment. Sounding more like an after thought, I quickly added that I wanted to do it for me, too, of course. She paused again and then wisely said "I sure do wish you had said yourself first."

I knew then and there that I was putting myself behind others and my perception was all out of whack. This friend made me realize that guilting myself into shape was never going to work, nor would it be healthy. I should eat healthy, exercise and lose weight for myself, because I LOVE MYSELF. In turn, my family would also be blessed, but as a by-product.

I love that I am gaining the strength and stamina to really play with my children. I can run with them, chase them, carry them, bath them, and feed them; all without feeling totally exhausted. I feel confident (and sexy) around my husband. I am happy more and less stressed out. I'm realizing that being healthy is not just about losing weight; it's about gaining the energy and physical/mental capacity to simply be a person! Realizing this has been so empowering for me; thinking about how much more I will be able to do as I lose this weight.

AS FOR TODAY, I woke up feeling pretty darn sore from yesterday's push-ups, but it's a good sore (if you can imagine it). This afternoon I took my two oldest girls to Bower Ponds where we ran to the playground. I love watching my girls run; I love that they love to run. I love that I can run with them and actually keep up. They may only be 3 and 4, but they are fast! Afterwards we picked up some ice-cream for them as well as some to drop off as a surprise at Tanner's work. I didn't get any ice-cream for myself, but I did collect a small "Mom Tax" on each of their ice cream treats :)

For today's workout, Malorie sent me a routine that focuses on strengthening your core. Because of my back injury last week, Mal thinks that I should focus on these types of core exercises to prevent future injuries. I started out with a 1 mile run and then followed it up with 4 ROUNDS OF:

- 25 full sit-ups
- 25 crunches
- 25 knee raises (demo video here)
- 25 back extensions (demo video here)
- 30 second plank (demo video here)
- 15 second right side plank
- 15 second left side plank

This was a tough workout, but totally doable. I am pretty weak at planks, so when I felt I had to break the plank I would go to my knees for a few seconds and then bring it right back up to full plank. Right now I can only plank for about 20 seconds before I go down to my knees. My goal is to work towards a full minute plank.

Thanks again for following along!

Evidence of Improvement

I weighed myself this morning, because after a month of being off track I was curious to see where I was at.

228lb 

Not bad. I was at this weight near the end of September, so I'm happy to find out that my far-less-than-perfect-month didn't bring back pounds I had worked hard to lose. Thank goodness. 

A new day. A new start. 

I took the girls with me over to my parents house this afternoon. I do this pretty much every Wednesday because two of my nieces are there on those days and all the girls get to play together. My parents have a treadmill that I plan on using each time I visit, because it is very convenient to have when it comes to interval training that includes running. I decided yesterday that I was going to do the same workout that I did on July 15. It was a week before I even started thinking about The Last 100lbs, and I had just read this blog post where my sister-in-law Malorie posted a workout. Here was the suggested workout:

As fast as possible, complete five rounds of the following:
25 squats
20 sit-ups
15 push-ups
400 meter run

"Looks easy enough. I know how to do all those things."

I was so naive. 

That day in July I managed to get through ONLY 2 ROUNDS of the workout, before I felt like collapsing on the couch. I was out of shape. And the feeling of only being able to complete 2 rounds made me realize it. It was a wake-up call. 

Two weeks later I started this challenge and this blog, and on July 29th I did this same workout again. I set up a timer, pushed myself as hard as I could go, and managed to make it through 3 complete rounds in 18:53.  I called it "Day 1". This was my starting point. 

Well, today I did this workout again, and after three rounds I looked at the clock to see that I had done them in 15:12. I couldn't believe it!! And more than that, I went on to complete another entire round! Booya! 

I am sitting here tonight, feeling strong and incredibly proud of my body, getting excited for tomorrow. 

"I'm on a roller-coaster that only goes up." (from The Fault in Our Stars, which I read in a day last week while I was in bed with back pain. Loved it. Loved the movie, too.)

You Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone

I HURT MY BACK LAST WEEK. Sad face. 

It really sucked and it hurt and I felt like the biggest bum of a mom/wife for several days. I felt old and tired and weak. I'll say it again, it sucked. I let my emotions and my pain get the better of me and I drowned myself in cookies and bowls full of ice cream and pie. What can I say? I'm an emotional eater. Should I be allowed to make that my excuse? Probably not, but I did anyway. (But, to be honest, this entire month so far has been a total flop, even without the excuse of a back injury.)

It wasn't until today, when the pain in my back started to subside, that I realized how grateful I am for my body. It is a wonderful thing and I should always make taking good care of it my top priority. I do not want a life of pain that was caused by my unwillingness to live a healthy life. 

In other news, today I am feeling pretty awesome.

I am planning on working out this morning (first one in over a week). But I'll keep it simple and sweet and back friendly. Not sure what that will look like, as I feel like the back is engaged in everything the body does. Maybe I'll just go for a run. Sounds like the safest thing, right now.

ALSO! What would you all say if I was thinking about blogging everyday? This would mean I would go from lengthier/deeper content posts that come once a week (if that), to regular but short updates on what's up in my life; keeping the blog more like a health journal. I feel the later will greatly benefit me. The more accountable I am, the more success I believe I will find. What can I say? I'm selfish. Ha! And no one can underestimate the power of record keeping.

Anyways, that is all I wanted to say :)

End post.

Run Runner Run

I ran a 5k on the weekend!

I was sick all last week with strep throat, so I spent most days lying around the house or in bed and zero time running or exercising. So, yeah, I was a little nervous about going through with running my planned 5k on Saturday. Saturday morning, I woke up feeling healthy and up for the challenge. Yay! But then driving up to the meet-up spot before the run I started getting butterflies in my stomach! It took me by surprise to find out that I was actually nervous about the run. But I don't think I was nervous about the run itself (I knew that I was ready and could do it), but rather, nervous because it would be the first time that I have run with someone else! I was certain that the only person running it with me would be my sister-in-law, Brooklyn. She is such an awesome friend and so sweet, but still, I was nervous. I mean, what if I would feel like I want to impress her, push myself, forget about pacing, and end up overexerting myself? What if I don't push myself hard enough? What if she is way faster than me and I fall way way behind, or make her feel like she needs to run with me?

Brooklyn showed up and we started our run. I soon realized I was needlessly nervous. Brooklyn was there for both herself and for me, and together we kept a good pace. There were a couple times I had to slow down to a walk (my leg kept cramping up), and Brooklyn was kind enough to slow herself down to a trot to stay with me. How sweet :) It was a beautiful evening for a run. 

Brooklyn was able to sprint ahead for the last few hundred meters (she's amazing like that) while I kept a good pace all the way to the finish line. 

MY TIME: 35 minutes 11 seconds! and I am pretty darn satisfied with that.

While we stretched, Brooklyn and I talked about how we both feel that our bodies are capable of so much more than we think possible. We just need to believe in ourselves, set goals, and do the work. We also agreed that it is so much more fun and motivating when you have someone doing it with you. Amiright!? 

I am already looking forward to getting in another 5k before the snow hits. 

AND THEN, Monday night I realized I hadn't timed my mile run to see if there was any improvement, so I raced over to the track as soon as Tanner got home from work. Again, I got butterflies in my stomach. (Weird, eh?) ALSO, when I started my run I noticed that there was a person laying on the grass beside the track, but as I ran closer I noticed that that one person was in fact two teenagers TOTALLY MAKING OUT! Like, rolling-all-over-the-place making out. I had to run past them four times and they DIDN'T STOP! Dear, me. 

Anyways . . . my run was awesome and I improved my time from the beginning of the month by 1 minute and 13 seconds! Going from 11:40 to 10:27 in only a month! I am continually amazed by my body and it gets me excited for what lies ahead as I continue on this path to fitness.  

(Sorry, no PDA picture. HA!)

No Rush

I am learning the difference between setting a goal and setting a deadline.

I have a goal to get healthy, to establish healthy habits, and hopefully lose 100lbs along the way :) You will notice that when I started this challenge I never gave myself a deadline. After all, this is a lifestyle change. NOT a diet. But, sometime in August I got really excited about the idea of losing the first 50lbs  before the end of the year. WHY? Well, because I'm living at my in-laws until the end of December when my family will fly back to Halifax. And in my in-law's crawl space, I have all my "skinny clothes" packed away. They are all the clothes that I wore in my latter years of University, when I was dating Tanner, and when I was working at the Gap. So they're nice clothes that have sentimental value to me. And yeah, it would be nice to pull them out from that crawl space before we move so I can bring them wear them when we fly back. I talked with TJ and Mal about this goal and whether or not it was attainable, and they gave me the go-ahead.

So now I no longer just had a goal, I had a deadline.

Initially, having the goal to lose 50lbs before the end of the year was very motivating. I would find myself getting excited about the "new" wardrobe I was going to have and thinking about how awesome I would feel. I kept my focus for a solid two weeks. But then . . . I'd slip up. Not just for a day, but sometimes for several consecutive days. I would start stressing out, thinking that I'd fall short of my 50lb goal. I started focusing more on the weight lost and less on loving myself at all stages. When I would have cheat days, or stopped seeing changes in my weight, I would think "I'm a failure! I'm never going to lose the weight by Christmas, now!"

Where there was once excitement, there was now a feeling of hopelessness.

I only realized a week or so ago what was going on.

I had given myself a time limit.

I am learning that time limits DON'T WORK for me! Especially when it is dealing with weight-loss, because this is not a race and I should never feel like I'm failing! The positive healthy choices I am making far outweigh the bad ones. So yes, I am making steps in the right direction, albeit baby ones.

I'll still bring those clothes on the plane with me when we go back, because I'm sure that sometime in the near future I will fit them again.

No rush.

*BIG SIGH*

I feel a whole lot better, now :)

You Choose

In my young adult years, I made a really stupid decision. (Well, several actually, but today I'm going to talk about just one of them.) The consequences of which I have carried with me each day since. 

In 2004, I was home for the summer after my first year at university. I was hanging out with my older sister at a her in-laws ranch. We had been having fun riding go carts with her kids, when I got he stupid idea to ask if I could try out her dirt bike. I'd never been on a dirt bike, and for years I had asked my sister let me take a ride on one. I guess by this time I was an adult and my sister thought that I was ready (as a youth, my father would have never approved), so she said yes. I guess we both had a dumb moment where we didn't think things through, because I hopped on that powerfully fast YZ250 and thought that I'd just go for a little ride.

5 seconds.

That's how long I was on the bike before the bike was on me. 

Obviously I had no idea what I was doing and ended up cat walking on the back wheel before the bike fell back on me and bent my left leg back, tearing cartilage and my ACL. I was in A LOT of pain.

I don't really know why it took me so long to end up in a orthopaedic surgeon's office, but in 2006 I had reconstructive surgery to repair my knee. After surgery came the long and messy healing process, that included in a 3 week hospital stay due to infection, of which I never fully recovered. 

I was pretty depressed about my knee. Always in pain. Always aching. For years, I would let this be my excuse to not being able to be a fit and healthy person. I was afraid to exercise, fearing I would re-injure myself. Fearing the pain. I remember a couple of years ago, sitting at home with my two girls in the living room and feeling sad and restless. As I looked out the window, I saw a woman run past down the sidewalk. She looked so fit, so healthy, so vibrant, so happy.

And I just bawled my eyes out.

"That can never be me!" I said to myself."I will never be abel to run. I will never climb a mountain. I will never be able to play soccer with my kids. I will never go skiing. I will never be abel to kneel during family prayer. I will never . . . I will never . . . I will never . . . " I cursed my body, my knee, those 5 seconds on that dirt bike. One choice. Once stupid choice! 

I let that choice define me for a really long time. 

This summer, I reached a crossroads. I could keep on living my life the way I had defined it for myself: overweight and out of shape, or I could change. 

I chose to change. 

I took ownership of my unhealthy choices and decided I was going to live a healthy life. I was going to exercise. I was going to move my body, however unfamiliar and awkward I felt. Still, I was nervous about how far a could push myself and my knee. I was afraid I'd push myself to hard and be unable to walk without flinching in pain. So I started out simply and slowly: short runs, shallow squats, low impact exercises. 

It felt awesome.

Then Malorie challenged me to run a mile. I nervous and skeptical . . . but, I did it. I ran a mile! And not only that, I didn't feel any pain in my knee! I remember praying that night on the track, thanking God for blessing my mind and body, allowing me to run without pain and giving me the confidence I needed to do it, to do all of this. Then, a couple of weeks later I ran 3.6km! I couldn't even believe it! ME! Running! I'm not even close to calling myself a "runner", but I am seeing the potential in myself to become one (as long as I'm sure not to push myself/my knee too far, of course). Baby steps. 

So here's my food for thought. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHOOSE. Whatever decisions you or I have made in the past, are in the past. You can either let those decisions follow you around for the rest of your life, or you can move forward and define your life by other measures. Sure, my knee injury will be something I have to live with for the rest of my life, but I am not going to let that be my excuse.

So I'm going to ask you in a totally loving and non-judgemental way: What's your excuse? What's holding you back from becoming who you want to be, your true self? Is there something you can change today? It doesn't have to be monumental, either. It can be something as simple as drinking more water, taking the stairs, eating less sugar, or at least choosing to be kinder to yourself.

"If you want something you've never had,

you're going to have to try something you've never done."

- random dude on TLC's 19 Kids and Counting 

 And I totally believe it.

Embrace the Sweat

**QUICK SIDE NOTE: We are 13 days into our Mile a Day challenge! How is everyone doing? Are you simply loving it!? I'll admit, I've missed two days in there (kids, hormones, attitude). But, I am not going to let my all-or-none personality get the best of me, so I continue to try and do my best.  Because that's all we can really ask of ourselves, really. **

When I started exercising in July, I hated it. Just being honest here. Yeah, I guess I did love all the endorphins pumping through me. The self pride and emotional high for having completed something challenging also felt pretty good. But the feeling of being totally overheated was just not appealing. Clothes, constricting. Thirst, unquenchable. I felt like my face would almost turn purple, I'd be so hot! Yeah, I guess it was the middle of summer, but something just didn't seem right. I felt like I could only workout for a maximum of 20 minutes before I'd pass out from heat exhaustion! But then I realized something:

I wasn't sweating.

Even on the hottest day and hardest workout, I'd MAYBE start to glisten, but no real dripping sweat. But then, after about a couple of weeks of eating right and exercising, I started to sweat!  Like, needing-a-towel-on-hand kind of sweat! At the same time I noticed that I also wasn't getting overheated during a workout and was able to go longer and harder with out dying from heat exhaustion. It was awesome!

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I'm not going to claim to know much about the science of sweat, but I DO know that it is through sweating that your body is able to regulate its temperature an keep you from overheating. So my theory is that as my body was not used to ANY physical activity really, and maybe sorta forgot how to do it's job. Can your body forget how to sweat? Because that is what it felt like.

Now, I sweat buckets and I love it. When I come home from a run, or finish my daily workout from Mal and TJ, I am dripping in sweat. I feel awesome and I feel healthy. I feel like my body is expelling toxins and cleaning out all the gunk that have built up over years of unhealthy living. I feel youthful. I feel like I really accomplished something awesome. AND I feel like doing it all again tomorrow!

So this I say to you: EMBRACE THE SWEAT! It means your body is smiling inside . . . that's what I've decided :)

And if you are looking for a great workout to get your sweat on, here's what I did for today:

2 RFT (Rounds For Time: meaning do all the exercises in sequence twice through as fast as you can. Record your time to see how you have improved when you do it again later)

8 Burpees
20 Situps
8 Burpees
20 Pushups
8 Burpees
20 Squats
8 Burpees
20 Bicep Curls (I have wimpy arms and did these with 5lbs weights. Ha!)
8 Burpees
20 Walking Lunges

Happy sweating! *maniacal laugh*

A Mile a Day Challenge

My health coach, Malorie, challenged me to run a mile every day (1.6km). I'm NOT a runner, so I wasn't too excited about the challenge. (I'm just trying to be honest here. Sorry Mal!) Since I'm not a very fast runner, my first goal is to work myself up to running a mile in under 10 minutes. 

With my daily workouts, I run no longer than 400 meters at a time. I'll run, maybe, 1600 meters (a mile) in an entire workout, but it is always broken up into 400 meter intervals with other exercises mixed in. 

I can't even remember the last time I ran a mile STRAIGHT, so I really didn't know AT ALL how far I was from the 10 minute goal. No idea! So, I went out to an outdoor track . . . alone . . . at night, and ran my little heart out. 

Today's time: 11:40!

Not bad, right!? The time might not be totally amazing, but I feel totally amazing for having done it. Now that I know where my starting point is, I am excited to see how I improve over the coming months.

So now, I invite you all to take part in the mile a day challenge with me! I challenge you to start September 1st, or today if you really want to, and run that mile! You are invited to share your times, or not, or whatever! Just keep it positive and just do it!

One mile a day for the entire month of September. I will pushing myself to reach my 10 minute goal, but I encourage you to customize it to your own fitness level. Heck, you may already be running a mile in 8 minutes! So whatever your starting time is, work each day to improve it. 

Giving you all a cyber-high five!
Jenny

Just Do It!

I just gotta tell you  all how lucky I am to have an amazing mother-in-law. My family and I are living with my in-laws for a few months (Tanner's school/work stuff) and although it is a bit of an adjustment, I am loving having an extra "Mom" around to help out with my three young kids. If it wasn't for her, I would be finding it very difficult to focus on making healthy choices for myself. This stage I'm in is hard on me AND the girls because healthy habits are not habits yet, so I find myself constantly thinking about food, water, and exercise while trying not to stress myself out (because I'm stress eater!). One day I will have built the habits and have the balanced routine, but until then I have my mother-in-law. Bless her heart.

With three little kiddies, I have to get creative with how I fit in my workouts. Usually it's during nap/movie time or when Tanner's home at the end of the day. But today, my amazing mother-in-law let me do my workout while we took the girls to the park! Today's workout was a little longer and she took care of my girls so that I could do it!

It's pretty obvious that these girls love their Grandma A.

And obviously I do, too!

I remember to years back, even just this past year actually, when I would think that conditions had to be perfect to get a workout in. I had, like, this mental checklist and if anything was amiss then I couldn't exercise.

- Wake up early before everyone else. CHECK.
- In a good mood. CHECK.
- Weather not to cold (or hot). CHECK.
- Hair brushed and clean(ish) clothes on. CHECK.
- Shoes on. CHECK.
- iPod . . . charged? . . . crap. I'm going back to bed. 

No joke. I've seriously done this! It was like I was looking for any excuse to get out of going for even a simple walk. I am learning to make less excuses and to just DO IT! Workout in your yard, your basement, your garage, at a park, at night. It doesn't matter as long as you get your body moving! I'll admit, I was a little nervous doing today's workout at the park, because there were a lot of other people around to watch me, but I did it anyway.

All the way from this blog, where my sister-in-law Malorie is a guest contributor, here is today's workout (with a few tweaks to suit my fitness level), all of which I did in/around a playground. This was a hard but fun one, so enjoy!

3 ROUNDS of:

20 squats

10 right leg step ups

10 left leg step ups

400 meter run

Then 3 ROUNDS of:

15 high sumo squats holding a 15lb weight

20 over head press with 15lb weight

150 rope jumps (Jump rope)

Then 3 ROUNDS of:

30 sec plank hold

25 bicycle crunches

20 tick tocks right and left with 15lb weight

25 rows with resistance band (pictured above)

Old Habits Die Hard

Today I want to talk a little bit about habits and the power that these habits have on our lives. Bad habits, although tenacious little buggers, are NOT impossible to break. This was a big "Aha! moment" for me. Even just a couple months ago, after months of trying (and failing) to exercise and eat better, I held up my hands in defeat saying "That's it. This is just who I am and there is nothing I can do to change it." I succumbed. I gave up.

I don't know what changed my mind about that. But I did, and I started again.

I am learning that unhealthy habits were formed over a lifetime and they are not going to go willingly. It's in my subconscious, really. I feel like if I'm not paying attention I'll munch and snack all day long, sit and watch TV for hours at night, stay up late, eat larger portions at dinner and then seconds and then dessert. I guess that's why I feel like I'm always thinking about my workouts, planning healthy meals in my head, wondering if I'm drinking enough water. Perhaps I'm afraid that if I stop and relax my mind I'll mindlessly eat a whole bag of chips, or whatever. In fact, the couple of weeks I was so gung-ho. All I could think about was what healthy choice I was going to make next, that I ended up a little burnt out. Making big changes is HARD and my old habits were/are not going to go willingly.

But I'm not going to give up.

In fact, I was stressed today and ate pizza tonight for supper. (Emotional eating is a horrible habit of mine.) Initially, I felt super bummed and thought that I am totally incapable of change. But then, I reminded myself that I am NOT DEFINED by my habits, because habits can change while I still remain me. I will always be Jenny.

I ALMOST went right to bed after tucking the girls in to sleep. It was getting dark even, but then I thought "Nope! I am going out!" So I asked Tanner to come with me as my bodyguard in the night and we headed down to Tanner's old high school track to do today's workout.

2 ROUNDS OF:
5 push-ups 10 squats 100 meter run 10 push-ups 15 squats 200 meter run 15 push-ups 20 squats 400 meter run After finishing two rounds complete 50 sit-ups.

My bodyguard, Tanner. Isn't he handsome :)

So there.

I chose not to let poor choices and bad habits get me down. And I taught myself that it's never to late to make a healthy choice. With each choice and with each step, I KNOW it will get easier. 

"Good habits, once established,

are just as hard to break as bad habits"

- Robert Puller

I sure hope he's right.

Say Hello to TJ and Mal

I just want to let you all know how very very excited I am about today's blog post!

Because of my past experiences with making healthy lifestyle changes (or, in reality, my insbility to do so) I knew that if I was going to be successful I needed an awesome back up crew (you guys) and an even more amazing (if that's even possible) health coach(es). So, I called up the healtiest people I know, my brother-in-law Tj and his amzing wife Malorie. I am so happy that I was confident enough to reach out to them for help, because with out them I would be lost. Each day they send me my amazing workouts, sometimes even with video to describe movements I'm not familiar with! I can also Skype with them whenever I need to. That first week, we Skyped everyday! There is something about the two of them together that gets me motivated and inspired to be healthy and commit to what I have set out for myself. And they are so funny together, because they are always pushing eachother to be better and they don't always agree on everything :)

I asked these two to answer a few questions for you all, so you can get to know them a little more and so that you know who I'm talking about in the future (as I know I probably will many more times!)

So, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the power house couple, TJ and Malorie!

Q: If you could each introduce yourselves to a complete stranger in only 7 sentences what would you say?

M: My name is Malorie! I have a passion for health and fitness. I probably love food way too much. I’m obsessed with my dogs and love animals. I married the love of my life and best friend four years ago on the 14th! I have danced for 20 years and it will continue to be a passion of mine. I have watched way too much Netflix the past month…

T: Hi, my name is TJ. I graduated BYU with a degree in Exercise Science. I love Nibs. I love Mal. The days that give me the most joy are when I have Nibs and Mal. Believe it or not, I was smart enough to get into dental school. I too am obsessed with Mal’s dogs.

Q: When did health and fitness become important to you?

M: My dad has always been an advocate for health and fitness so I kind of grew up with it in my home. I think I really started getting into it when I graduated high school and realized that I couldn’t just keep eating the way I did without exercise and expect to keep the same body.

T: 10th grade. It was at that age where I knew that my health and fitness would have to improve in order to excel in rugby.

Q: If you could set straight one myth about health and fitness what would it be? 

M: One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they cannot improve on their health and/or fitness because of their “genes.” When I was younger I remember someone telling me I was naturally weak. I would never have strong arms or abs. It was how I was built. I wish that person could see me now. Yes, it may be easier for some people, but with hard work, you can do anything you set your mind to regardless of your so-called “genes.”

T: People who think that they need to be at a gym for two hours every day in order to see result are completely wrong. Simple as that.

Q: What is your favourite way to get your sweat on?

M: I love GPP Fitness. It’s quick. It’s intense. And I sweat buckets.  

T: Even though I enjoy other things, running is my go to workout. 

Q: When you are having a bad day/week where do you find your inspiration to get back on track?

M&T: We are going to answer this one together because we have the same thoughts on this one. When you wake up Monday morning after a weekend or week of over eating or being lazy, you don’t feel good. Period. That gross feeling we have after eating a bunch of crap is motivation enough to get back on track. You feel sooo much better after having a successful week of clean eating and exercise!

Q: If there is someone reading this right now who's ready to start making steps to a healthier life style, but doesn't know where to start, what advice would you give them?

M: Go in 100%. If you are going to do this, then do it! You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You can’t just decide to start working out without fixing the diet or vice versa and expect the results you want. You’ve got to make a commitment on both ends.

T: You need to set obtainable goals. Start out small, and the confidence you gain will push you towards bigger and better.  

Q: Nobody's perfect, so what's YOUR guilty pleasure?

M: I am an ice cream-aholic. Holy moly I could eat that stuff all day. If you haven’t had Butterfinger ice cream… don’t start…

T: Nibs and Diet Pepsi. Best combination ever.